When it comes to separation there are a few things that are guaranteed. It’s painstakingly hard, it’s emotional and unless you’re a family lawyer yourself, you won’t know what you’re doing. It’s a fact of life that people separate but how messy or clean that separation is, is up to you.
You can read about why we took three years to hire family lawyers here.
One point I want to make very clear is that it’s important that we do our best to not judge other couples separations, their reasonings behind the split or for a better statement, other peoples ‘perceived’ reasonings as the only relationship we know intimately well is our own and that’s an absolute fact.
When I penned my first article ‘hire a family lawyer, don’t make the same mistake we did’ I was blown away firstly by the interest and secondly by how many of you seem to be in the same boat. You have an amicable relationship with your ex (or you would like to) and don’t want to rock the boat by getting lawyers involved. As I said in the last blog, doing what you think is best and not getting lawyers involved can make things long, drawn-out and messy in my experience so as I have touched on this, I now want to talk about the in-depth reasons why you should consider this path if you ever find yourself in this situation.
As cynical as it may sound when it comes to separation, a good strategy is key. Getting a letter from his/her lawyer in the mail when there was no previous discussion pertaining to this can be cruel and immediately put you on the back foot. When emotions are running high this is not a great place to start. When it comes to a good strategy it’s not about being sneaky and silent, communication is key but as we all know, for this to happen there needs to be two parties willing to move forward like this.
What can make things hard is if there is a big power imbalance in a couple. One party wants to control all the moves and/or hide things and the other just goes along or doesn’t know where to start. This is where you need to be advised in the right direction and with the right people.
The fact is, most people underestimate what family lawyers do. They are just about documents, demands and taking people to court. A good family lawyer will encourage an amicable relationship with the other partner. They will connect you with the right people being accountants, financial planners, estate agents to name a few.
When it comes to separation there are so many emotions involved, so much hurt and so much unknown. Often there is family, kids and pets, houses, money and portfolios. You need to think about post-separation wills, possible pregnancies and a million other possibilities that may occur during the process. On top of that, there is acceptance, healing, forgiveness and a whole lot of trust that needs to be acquired to understand that you will get through this. In most situations, lives are completely turned upside down and it’s hard to see the wood through the trees let alone come to terms with the fact that you will get through this. Don’t make it any harder on yourself than it already is. Speak with your ex and come to an agreement that you will listen, be amicable and hire the help needed to get you both through this as quickly and kindly as possible.
If you’re looking for sound advice you can trust, I personally went through Catherine Leach at Perths leading Family Lawyer firm Leach Legal. I felt safe, my ex-husband felt safe and we both achieved the result we were after.
Editor: Rayne Bryant
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