A letter to my mum…
Mothers Day, it’s such an interesting day for so many people. For some it’s a day that reminds them of what they may have lost in the physical form. For others, it’s just another day on their 365 day yearly calendar. It could represent a day a couple have been longing for but have yet been able to make a reality and for some the expectation of a notable gift will keep their excitement brewing.
For me, it’s a day that takes me by surprise. The long drawn out commercial lead up makes sure we know the day is coming and during this process I’m just cruising. I know it’s coming but there’s not much emotion surrounding it. It’s usually about that time that I’m rushing to school for one of the kids Mothers Day concerts that the thought of what the day actually means starts looming.
The excitement on Van’s face when I strolled into school yesterday was just delightful. His little face just screaming at me with pride. He just couldn’t contain himself. The inevitable treats, massages and manicures that he was going to spoil me with took over his whole body.
Then the moment came when I had finished with Van and was leaving the school when Autumn races up to me. With a tear in her eye she said, “this card is for you mum, take it now because I won’t see you on Mothers Day, we’re with Dad”.
And there it was, the single mothers guilt that I work on everyday just flooded over me like a tidal wave. I felt like someone just stomped on my heart. Not having my family in-tact, together everyday is honestly such a gut wrenching feeling but one that we have to own. No matter the reasons there are always consequences and for me, day’s like Mothers Day reminds me of this. This isn’t to say that if it was still one big family that it would be better! It’s just a thought process that you can’t help but allow your mind to wander too.
It also reminds me to be grateful. It’s these times that I draw on the strength and wisdom handed down to me by my own mother, a pillar of strength. My mum is my rock and has taught me to be strong in shaping my own life. But the biggest gift mum has taught me is vulnerability.
The strongest person I know taught me to be strong when I needed to survive and vulnerable when I wasn’t coping. She taught me that the only person you truly have control of is yourself. She reminded me that I was the only person responsible for my happiness and to never be the victim. She mirrored to me my worth, encouraged me every day and always reminded me that my life and my dreams mattered.
These are the gifts that I want to give to my children. Be strong but know that it’s your ability to be vulnerable that will make you grow. Stand up for what you believe in but have compassion and empathy for others. Always be kind, you never know what battles others are facing and above all work hard for your dreams, your life is your responsibility.
As their mother I will be there to hold their hand and guide them on their journey but ultimately, it’s their journey.
Thank you my mum. You have shaped and inspired me to be the mother I am today and I can honestly say I proud of myself because of you.
Love you! Your eldest and favourite daughter, Rayne.